Time for A Change

I'm making a change. I'm going to lose weight.
Why? I am sick of being chunky. I am sick of worrying about what I'm going to wear to any given gathering. Trying to find the magical outfit that will make me look and feel skinnier than I am. Wondering if I'm going to be the fattest one there. Going on vacation and looking at all the cute bikinis while I wear my oh so cute cover-up. Going shopping and knowing that it will be a miracle to go into the cute stores and find a size 14. Wearing and XXL from Target. Shopping with friends and just looking at shoes and earrings. Feeling like a frumpy mom.

I just finished reading Conversations with God and during the conversation it states that if you don't like what is going on in your life, just choose again. Up to this point I have chosen to be fat. Simple as that. I haven't really exercised in 6 months (while I have used the excuse that I had a foot injury that required surgery 2 months ago, I could have done some other kind of exercise and didn't). I have eaten whatever I wanted. Really the miracle is that I'm not bigger than I am! I won't say the time has been wasted however. I was really muddled in the brain by all the different diets I've tried in the past. Just being, without worrying about dieting has helped me regain a sense of what is normal eating and what my health priorities are.

So, now I'm ready to choose again. I am going to choose health. I am going to choose healthy, whole, preferably organic and local foods cooked in simple ways. I choose to move my body. I choose to regain a body that I can be proud of. I choose to weigh less than 150 lbs. I choose to wear a size 1o or smaller. And I choose not to freak out about it along the way.

So that is what I've chosen. The next question is obviously how? Tomorrow I am going to go back to Weight Watchers. I've done it before and lost 15 lbs before I got pregnant the second time. I am going to do the Core program, not counting points for the most part, just eating from an extensive list of healthy whole foods. The accountability of the weigh ins as well as the support from the meetings will really help me, I believe. R pays the equivalent in a gym membership each month, so I don't feel guilty , AT ALL, spending the money on myself (something I have used as an excuse not to rejoin in the past). I also plan to work up to running again. I am going to head out every morning from 7-8 to walk for the next month. In January I will begin to phase in running again. By May I'd like to run a half marathon in Ogden Canyon.

The when is that I'd l ike to hit certain goals along the way. I haven't worked them all out yet, and will post when I do, but I'm shooting for 145 lbs by June 2008. That's five pounds a month, just over 1 lb a week. Totally doable.

I'm going to my first meeting tomorrow. I will begin posting my stats then.

Chance Encounters

I had such a happy chance encounter yesterday. I walked down to the school to vote and stood in the enormously long line and watched to women talking in front of me. I was thinking how cute one of the women's hair was and how stylishly she was dressed. I realized I had gone to school with the other one, but I didn't know her very well so I didn't say anything. After about 10 minutes I asked Z to go see if he could find his brother who was just finishing up his Spanish class. As I spoke, the lady with the cute hair turned to look at me, and oh my gosh! it was one of my best friends from about 5th to 8th grade, H. We both could not believe how long we had stood there before recognizing each other!

I've missed H. Our friendship was always interesting because we didn't go to school together after elementary. We'd be inseparable during the summer, then see each other less during the school year. She was a year older than me in school as well. I'd always worry when school started up that our friendship would end, but year after year it continued. But when she started high school I barely saw her. Then the year I entered high school she transferred to a private school and I honestly only saw her once after that. I always felt sad about it. Left behind a little. Logically I understood that we had just both moved onto new groups of people, and at the time I really didn't think about it much at all. But as time has gone by, I've realized how unfinished it all felt to me. I have a dream about her every six months or so and we meet up and are best friends all over again. Emotionally she was a huge part of my childhood. When she said she'd always felt bad we lost touch, it was like balm to a wound. Even if I never see her again, I would feel better going forward.

She had moved away for college and after she was married she moved away again. A few years back I heard she had moved back to town but I had no way of finding her. Her parents had moved and were unlisted. I didn't know her married name. Every so often someone, including my dad, would run into her, but no one ever had her number and I probably wouldn't have called anyway. I just kind of figured I'd run into her eventually. I could feel it coming for a long time. And then I did. I'm surprised it took so long. We know so many of the same people. She lives really close so I'm sure we are shopping at the same stores and eating at the same restaurants, etc. Her husbands older brother even dated a friend of mine for a long time. We just never met. Why? I don't know. But I'm so glad we did. It just brings some closure I've needed for a long time.

Do I expect it to be like the dream? BFF all over again? Of course not. But it would be great to keep in touch. Who knows what it will bring. But it certainly has made me very happy to have seen her and caught up for a minute.