The Giver by Lois Lowry

The Giver by Lois Lowry


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
what a thought provoking book! it really makes you think about how the duality of our existence creates the contrasts that create meaning. life without emotion would be almost pointless! it also makes you think about personal choice and consequences, the lessons to be learned from our mistakes and how having these freedoms inherently means that there will be suffering and life will be very unfair in some regards but it still better than a life where everything is predetermined. very much reminds me of the LDS concept of the two plans presented in the pre-existence. it also had a lot of Christ symbolism, especially in that Jonas was the chosen one to bear the burden for all and the despair and loneliness in being the only one able to understand the human condition in its entirety. I really enjoyed the book. The end wrapped up a little to quickly and vaguely for me, but it certainly left me thinking about our freedom to shape our own life and the what that means for me personally, but more interestingly, what that means for all of mankind. But I still wonder, why didn't baby Gabe sleep? What did he know or what was his ability?

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Simple Living: One Couple's Search for a Better Life

Simple Living: One Couple's Search for a Better Life by Frank Levering

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I really liked this book even though I wasn't sure I was going to. I expected another list of ways to simplify, but instead it is really their story of how they simplified their lives and the values they believe go along with a simple life. I wasn't sure I cared about their journey, but she is a thoughtful, interesting writer and by the end of the first chapter I DID care. By the end of the book you almost feel as if you know them, and wish you did. I've always enjoyed her PBS program, this gave me a new appreciation for Wanda and Frank. The chapter that really got under my skin was the one on volunteering. It's something I really would like to spend more time doing, alone, and as a family.


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Ladder of Years (a book review)

Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
This book has really stuck with me over the years. The idea of walking away from it all, regaining the self, and then integrating the two lives...i find it more compelling as time goes by. It's an age old predicament i think many women (probably some men too) can identify with. Who am I without this husband, these children, this life? Who wold I have become without it? What do I really want out of life and can I have the best of all worlds. I really should reread it because I think about it when I'm having one of those days.


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Our Family Rules

Most families have some rules they operate with. As a child my family had some hard and fast rules, such as come straight home from school-then you can play, chores must be done before play, don't even think about looking at Mom and saying "So what?!", etc. These rules were never written down, we just picked up on them after learning the hard way, i.e. breaking the unknown rule and being punished for it. My parents were fair, and they weren't overly strict. Most child-rearing experts agree that consistently applied rules help children feel secure and help families function more smoothly. Most also agree that consistency is key.

Last year, after a rough year of sibling rivalry and household stress due to financial and health reasons, I felt like our family was NOT functioning well. I was tired of the bickering and all out brawling, I was tired of yelling, crying, feeling like a horrible mom, and I was tired of feeling like I was doing it all. We took action on many of the issues were facing, and among the changes were a new, simple, easy to remember set of rules. They are really basic, but almost every situation we encounter can be filed under one of our rules.

#1 The Golden Rule- Do unto others as you would have done unto you. In other words, treat people the way you would like to be treated.
This is the grand-daddy of all rules in my opinion. If the whole world behaved with this in mind, think of the difference it would make! I consistently remind my kids to think about how they would feel about things. Often it is after and incident that they were either involved in or witnessed, but sometimes I manage to catch them before something happens and we are able to think something through before it happens.

This is also a great rule for Mom & Dad. It helps me remember that a) my kids are every bit as important as I am. They have feelings and ideas and opinions that are strong and I need to remember that. and b) my kids are watching. They are watching how R and I treat each other, how we treat our family and friends, and how we treat strangers. I'm certainly far from perfect, but I have caught myself before doing or saying something that I know I would feel bad about if it were said or done to me.

When they are a little older and have more of an ability to think abstractly I will introduce them to The Platinum Rule- Do unto others as they would have done unto them. Sometimes what we would like to have done to us or for is isn't at all what another person would choose. If we take some time to think it through, we can probably venture a good guess what the other person would want. And if not, The Golden Rule is about as safe of a fallback plan as it gets.

#2. WE DON'T HURT. Straight up. This one is non-negotiable. It is an automatic consequence, then we'll talk. We don't physically hurt people or animals. We don't hurt people with unkind words or actions or attitudes. We don't hurt ourselves. I tell them they have the right to feel any feelings that come up, but they NEVER have the right to hurt someone because of those feelings. Period. The End.

#3. WE ARE RESPECTFUL. I tell them that they can express any thought, idea or feeling, as long as they do it respectfully. So many things fall under this category, it is the great catchall for how we function in society. Show respect for other people's time by being on-time for commitments (I'll admit this something I continually work on). Show respect for people by being grateful for what is done for you. Respect our home and our belongings. Respect your friend's home and belongings. Don't swear or use ugly language. Use your manners. Respect yourself by taking care of yourself and not letting others pressure you into things that aren't good for you. Don't be rude about food you don't like. Listen the first time. Etc. etc.

#4. DO YOUR FAIR SHARE. Kids need to learn that life is not easy, and that your fair share may be more than someone else's for many reasons such as age, ability, finances, proximity, etc. Do your chores because you live here and we all need to pitch in. Help when asked. Look for ways to help. Clean up after yourself. Life requires work. Nothing stays done for long. Work first, then play.
I think so many children feel very entitled. I aim to have my children grow up knowing that work is part of the deal. Nothing comes easy, especially the important things. If we expect to do work in our lives, and we learn to work hard, life is actually easier! Paradoxical, but very true! I hope to teach them most of the things they will need to know to be a functioning adult, both inside the home and outside-laundry, cooking, yard-work, basic car maintenance, survival techniques, how to use tools, taking care of animals, how to work hard on a team, how to be a good employee and so on.

This is definitely one we are still working on. I'm not as strict a task master as I should be. I need to be more consistent about making sure chores are done every single day, that they work before they play. I still feel like I do more than my fair share. But by making this an official rule, it is in my thoughts more often and we are making progress. And kids really are very aware of what "fair" is. If I ask them if they feel they are doing their "fair share", they usually are honest and the answer is often "no". Then they are willing to self-correct (at least for a few minutes!) and get to work. They realize that it isn't fair for me to do it all, even if they don't really want to help! By the time they are teen-agers I am aiming to have the household responsibilities divided fairly between the four of us. I would also like to find a volunteer opportunity for our whole family because I believe very strongly that part of doing your fair share includes giving back to those that need help. And I believe that people who help others are happier and more grateful.

So there they are. It has gotten to the point that I can look at my kids as just say the number of the rule they are breaking and they know what that means. I'm often tempted to add other rules, but when I think about it, whatever it is usually falls under one of the existing ones.

I feel that these rules teach the basic virtues we all want our children to possess. Honesty-#s1 & 3. Kindness #1. Integrity-#2. Patience-#2. Perseverance-#3. Empathy- all of them. At the end of my parenting experience, I want to feel like I raised my boys to be "good" adults. Of course, how the ultimately end up is their choice, but I'd like to steer them in the right directions and give them the skills to be happy and successful people.

Abundance

Back in January I decided this was the year I would focus on abundance. And in general I have. But I tend to have a fairly optimistic view anyway. I've been thinking I ought to have more of a plan though. Some way to track if I'm more focused on abundance or a record of my abundance mindset activities or something. So as a baby step I am going to record the things I think demonstrate abundance in my life here.

Here's my first one: Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to get a prescription for M. The cost is generally about $10 since it is a generic, but yesterday the pharmacist just handed it to me and said, "thank you". I stood there a minute with a confused/suspicious look on my face and said, "it's free"? He said the computer said it was. I replied, "I'll take it then"! and off we went.

I truly believe that the more you notice the good in your life, the more good you will have. Right now, $10 isn't chump change. I'm stretching every dollar. And I'm grateful to have an extra $10 in my HSA today! Thanks Universe! 'Preciate Ya!

Budgets Are Neat

OK, that might be a bit forced, but I am quite proud of myself for staying on budget the last 2 weeks.

A little while back I posted about our new cash budgeting system. And I have to admit that so far I am thinking it is a really great system for us.

Last week was harder than this week I'm guessing because I had more expenses and it was the first week of getting used to a budget. I also didn't plan for a few things, like teacher's thank you gifts and an impromptu ice cream night because M placed in the top tenth percentile nationally on his standardized tests. I have to admit I knew we didn't have the money, but it is a rare day that R suggests something of that nature, and I did want M to know how proud I am, so I figured we make it up this week. And I grossly underestimated my hair appointment, by $22! I really need to keep track of this stuff I can plan ahead better. All in all I went over budget by almost $85! So I had to take it out of this week's allotment.

This week I only had $100 for groceries, clothes, entertainment, gas and all other incidentals. It is also the first week that the kids are out of school. I can see that having them home most of the time will help keep me out of the stores. I detest shopping with both of them. It is such a stressful thing that I avoid it at all costs. I do foresee, however, that I could spend quite a bit on outings. So to make up for it I did a ton of research on what is available and also found some great websites with calendars of kids activities. I then, ever so cheerfully, declared this THE SUMMER OF FREE FUN!

M had golf lessons Monday thru Friday of this week. I paid for them in May. Totally worth the $40 fee. I will probably sign him up for another round later this summer. He also had cub scout camp Friday and Saturday which was $42. I bit pricey I think, but considering the rest of the year is pretty much free, I guess it really isn't.

Monday it rained and we just couldn't quite get our act together so we hung out all day. I even let them watch DVDs from the library for WAY too long.

Tuesday, racked with guilt, I decided I better get on the summer schedule. After chores and brain time we decided to go see a guy that rescues reptiles give a demonstration at the library. Cost-FREE. It was only an hour, but the kids really enjoyed it. Then we walked to a nearby eatery and had a snack. My plan was to get a cookie or share a larger dessert. This is where my new frugal parenting habits didn't quite kick in. They both wanted their own piece of chocolate cake. I wanted a fruit struesel bar. I knew the cake was too rich for them to finish a whole piece on their own, but I didn't want a fight, so I gave in. I was right, they ate half and threw it away. I ate half of mine and saved it for later. Cost-$11.04. Lesson learned-I need to be willing to fight the battle now so it will continue to get easier instead of giving in out of weakness. I went to the library by myself that evening for a little alone time. I like to read all the magazines I used to buy. At $3+ a pop, reading them at the library saves me some serious dough. I found some good DVDs for the weekend. Hooray for free books, magazines and movies!!!

Wednesday it rained some more. M had a playdate with his buddy. My neices came over to play with Z. Free fun for all. I went grocery shopping that evening because we were out of pretty much everything. I bought a very few basics. Cost-$45.74. M also had karate. Karate is expensive, $190 each month. He does several extra classes and has tournament team training as well. He loves it and it is so great for him. It's the only thing he is willing to work his booty off for. I'm willing to eat beans and rice for him to do this.

Thursday it rained. Seeing a pattern here? What a crappy way to start summer vacay. Oh well. We did our chores and then my kiddos went over to the neighbor friend's house for the afternoon. We went to a BBQ at a friend's for dinner.

Friday M went to camp. Z and I went to get my car from my dad. It has been making a disturbing clunking noise for months now. Everytime someone would look at it they would say they couldn't find anything wrong. Finally I told my dad I was too worried to drive it to Bear Lake, so if we didn't figure it out, I wouldn't be driving the boys up on the weekends. I didn't want the steering to go out down the canyon or something! He finally figured out it is just a loose cap on the McPhereson strut. It isn't dangerous, just annoying. I can replace the entire strut, which is still fine, for $85, or live with the noise. Just gonna live with it for awhile. So I gave him back their Durango, thank goodness because gas for that baby is ridiculous. Then I dropped Z off at his Granny's for their weekly hang out sesh. Salami, cheese, sourdough bread with butter, strawberries, soda and ice cream, plus TV! So totally bad, but I love the me time and they love going to visit. I picked up my sis and headed over to my friend's. We drove out to IKEA for the afternoon. I did very well. I bought 2 pillows for the couch, a whisk, an under the bed storage box for Z's out of season clothing, lunch and some candybars. Cost-just under $25. Which I had in my own checking account, so it didn't come out of the family money. Later P. and I went to Rio for a split salad and some queso. Oh yum! I ate way too much. Then we went to see Star Trek. It's good, I liked it a lot. I was planning on letting my kids see it but I'm glad I saw it first. I'm a bit strict, I'll admit, but I really think it is PG-13. Not because it is gory violent, it isn't. It is pretty scary. Evil aliens from the future already occupy way too much of M thoughts. If that wasn't the underlying theme, and that wasn't M particular anxiety, I would probably think it would be OK. Maybe. There is only 1 scene that is sexually suggestive, but I'm really trying to limit their exposure to that as well. So, I know he's going to be ticked off, but I'm not going to let him see it. And it is waaaayyyy to scary for a 6 year old. I didn't get snacks because i was already so full from dinner. So $6 from the family fund and $8 from my checking. M slept over at a friend's house and Z hung with dad.

Today, Saturday, M again had camp. Z and I slept in until 9:30. So delightful!!! Then we bummed around at home until about 1pm. I had thought I'd take him to the farmer's market down town, but it was, you guessed it, raining. So we went to lunch at Shivers. I had a coupon from our Happenings book for Buy 1 Get 1 Free. We also got a small shake. Cost=just over $9. Then we went to the store to get a prescription and buns for the hot dogs we are having for dinner. To my delighted surprise, the pharmacist told me that the meds were free. I don't know why, but hey! I'll take it!!! Then we bought buns, cheetos (on sale), toilet paper (4 rolls of the cheap stuff to get us through until next week) and 1 lb. of spaghetti in the clearance basket. Cost-$4.08.

So it is Saturday night and we have $6 from our weekly allotment. And I would say we had a pretty fun filled week and we ate just fine as well. My car is almost on E. I need to do a pantry inventory so I can spend as little as possible for groceries next week. Tonight we just plan on eating at home and watching a DVD. Tomorrow we are having breakfast at a friend's cabin just up the canyon and a BBQ with some other friends in the evening. R has a bike ride planned in between. Maybe we'll hit the skate park if it isn't raining. Or visit Nana and Pops.

Monday we start fresh with $172.89. I'm going to sign Z up for a round of flag football which will be $40. And I will need to figure out Father's Day gifts. It may be a good week to stock up on some pantry items as well.

It feels good to be in control and to be thinking before spending and aware of what we are spending our money on. I like having to pick and choose what spending items respresent our values and goals. And so far, I don't feel deprived at all.

Funny!

Yesterday I took my kids to the library to see a guy who rescues reptiles. All very interesting.

Afterwords we walked to a little restaurant down the street that has delish desserts. Both boys picked out a piece of flourless chocolate cake. I was worried it was going to be too rich and make them sick so I kept asking, "are you sure you want to keep eating that? don't you want to save some for later?". Finally Z looked at me and said in a sort of dreamy drugged voice, "this is so good I wish I was a tiny man...so I could live in it". I couldn't help but laugh out loud. He is so funny when he isn't TRYING to be funny. Love that kid.

Food Waste

I have seen this feature on several of my favorite blogs lately. I am going to take a picture of my food waste in the hopes that it will help me to waste less. I think the impact of actually seeing it all and then the embarrassment of posting it will lead me to try to get more conscious and creative.

So here is last week's. I figure the first week is bound to be the worst. The olive mix to the left was ancient, and while it didn't smell weird or anything, I decided I didn't see myself ever eating it because I knew how old it was. Next to that is some ancient cream cheese that was waaayy at the back of the fridge. The food in tinfoil is bread pudding I made for my son's Amish party. I ate as much as I could but it started to get really soggy and gross. There is about 2 cups of cream that went bad before I could use it up, cabbage that was turning brown and mushy, the vanilla sauce for the bread pudding that nobody liked. The other bottle of olives was really slimy so that had to go. The green tea was just plain nasty. There is 1/2 a tub of ricotta that was moldy, some pinapple juice I didn't quite finish up, a head of broccoli that was turning brown, shriveled grape tomatoes, shriveled squishy kiwis (3) and 1/2 a beer I didn't finish.

There should be less this week because we went out of town for the weekend, but also because I plan to buy less and use it up before it goes bad. I guess we'll see how it goes!

A Few Updates

Just thought I'd quickly do a few photo updates while I'm thinking about it.

For Memorial Day we went up to Bear Lake and witnessed the largest bonfire I have ever seen. Z was so worried about going to watch. He kept saying he didn't want to get killed. Finally I realized he thought we were saying bomb fire. Yeah, I wouldn't be hip on attending one of those either.

Last weekend we went to the best 40th birthday party EVER! It was our friend N's and it was an 80s theme. As you can see the birthday boy came in his best David Lee Roth/Van Halen gear. It truly rocked.

And here is a picture of our awesome cat, napping on some random tiny little piece of something. In this case it is the reusable grocery bags I haven't returned to the car. Funny little creatures, cats are.

They boys and I are getting ready to head down to Cedar City for M to compete in the Utah Summer Games. I'm looking forward to watching my little karate kid compete in weapons form, kata and sparring. He's a tad bit nervous, but he'll do great.

Going to Cash

R and I have decided to switch up our money plan a bit.

Up until now I've just told him how much I need each month and he transfers that amount into my checking account. That would be great if we were making beaucoup bucks and had more money than we could possibly spend. But alas, that is not the sitch. So it leaves a huuuuggge opportunity for living beyond our means. The other issue is that I was still overspending each month, leaving R wondering what the hell. I think it had to do with me designating an amount and not having a concrete amount.

So instead we have decided to live like we have a regular job that brings in a set amount. We'll leave the amount needed to cover the set bills in our checking account and transfer the rest into a different account. Each week we'll withdraw 1/4 of the leftover funds as discretionary expense money, i.e. gas, groceries, clothes, entertainment, etc. When the money for the week is gone-it's gone baby.

I realize this is hardly a novel idea, but it is new for us. I'm hoping it will help us prioritize and really choose how to spend our money. I'm also hoping it will teach my kids some money management skills. Money = cash, not a card that has an infinite supply of funds. And obviously I am hoping it will help us live within our means.

I'm actually excited. I think it could be a grand adventure to maximize our dollar!