Time for A Change

I'm making a change. I'm going to lose weight.
Why? I am sick of being chunky. I am sick of worrying about what I'm going to wear to any given gathering. Trying to find the magical outfit that will make me look and feel skinnier than I am. Wondering if I'm going to be the fattest one there. Going on vacation and looking at all the cute bikinis while I wear my oh so cute cover-up. Going shopping and knowing that it will be a miracle to go into the cute stores and find a size 14. Wearing and XXL from Target. Shopping with friends and just looking at shoes and earrings. Feeling like a frumpy mom.

I just finished reading Conversations with God and during the conversation it states that if you don't like what is going on in your life, just choose again. Up to this point I have chosen to be fat. Simple as that. I haven't really exercised in 6 months (while I have used the excuse that I had a foot injury that required surgery 2 months ago, I could have done some other kind of exercise and didn't). I have eaten whatever I wanted. Really the miracle is that I'm not bigger than I am! I won't say the time has been wasted however. I was really muddled in the brain by all the different diets I've tried in the past. Just being, without worrying about dieting has helped me regain a sense of what is normal eating and what my health priorities are.

So, now I'm ready to choose again. I am going to choose health. I am going to choose healthy, whole, preferably organic and local foods cooked in simple ways. I choose to move my body. I choose to regain a body that I can be proud of. I choose to weigh less than 150 lbs. I choose to wear a size 1o or smaller. And I choose not to freak out about it along the way.

So that is what I've chosen. The next question is obviously how? Tomorrow I am going to go back to Weight Watchers. I've done it before and lost 15 lbs before I got pregnant the second time. I am going to do the Core program, not counting points for the most part, just eating from an extensive list of healthy whole foods. The accountability of the weigh ins as well as the support from the meetings will really help me, I believe. R pays the equivalent in a gym membership each month, so I don't feel guilty , AT ALL, spending the money on myself (something I have used as an excuse not to rejoin in the past). I also plan to work up to running again. I am going to head out every morning from 7-8 to walk for the next month. In January I will begin to phase in running again. By May I'd like to run a half marathon in Ogden Canyon.

The when is that I'd l ike to hit certain goals along the way. I haven't worked them all out yet, and will post when I do, but I'm shooting for 145 lbs by June 2008. That's five pounds a month, just over 1 lb a week. Totally doable.

I'm going to my first meeting tomorrow. I will begin posting my stats then.

Chance Encounters

I had such a happy chance encounter yesterday. I walked down to the school to vote and stood in the enormously long line and watched to women talking in front of me. I was thinking how cute one of the women's hair was and how stylishly she was dressed. I realized I had gone to school with the other one, but I didn't know her very well so I didn't say anything. After about 10 minutes I asked Z to go see if he could find his brother who was just finishing up his Spanish class. As I spoke, the lady with the cute hair turned to look at me, and oh my gosh! it was one of my best friends from about 5th to 8th grade, H. We both could not believe how long we had stood there before recognizing each other!

I've missed H. Our friendship was always interesting because we didn't go to school together after elementary. We'd be inseparable during the summer, then see each other less during the school year. She was a year older than me in school as well. I'd always worry when school started up that our friendship would end, but year after year it continued. But when she started high school I barely saw her. Then the year I entered high school she transferred to a private school and I honestly only saw her once after that. I always felt sad about it. Left behind a little. Logically I understood that we had just both moved onto new groups of people, and at the time I really didn't think about it much at all. But as time has gone by, I've realized how unfinished it all felt to me. I have a dream about her every six months or so and we meet up and are best friends all over again. Emotionally she was a huge part of my childhood. When she said she'd always felt bad we lost touch, it was like balm to a wound. Even if I never see her again, I would feel better going forward.

She had moved away for college and after she was married she moved away again. A few years back I heard she had moved back to town but I had no way of finding her. Her parents had moved and were unlisted. I didn't know her married name. Every so often someone, including my dad, would run into her, but no one ever had her number and I probably wouldn't have called anyway. I just kind of figured I'd run into her eventually. I could feel it coming for a long time. And then I did. I'm surprised it took so long. We know so many of the same people. She lives really close so I'm sure we are shopping at the same stores and eating at the same restaurants, etc. Her husbands older brother even dated a friend of mine for a long time. We just never met. Why? I don't know. But I'm so glad we did. It just brings some closure I've needed for a long time.

Do I expect it to be like the dream? BFF all over again? Of course not. But it would be great to keep in touch. Who knows what it will bring. But it certainly has made me very happy to have seen her and caught up for a minute.

Cutting Back

As much as I hate to say it, we have been living the very typical American life of living beyond our means. Faced with the state of the real estate market and our income level stagnating, it is time to make some much needed adjustments to our budgeting, spending, and thinking in general.

Yesterday I called our cable company and cut our services. About 6 months ago I bundled our services with Comcast. We received digital phone, high speed internet and cable for $99 a month. Of course after taxes it came to about $128 month. R really enjoys having cable. I quit watching TV for the most part around June, so it hasn't meant much to me. Yesterday I cut our cable to the basic limited service for $14.99. This gives us very few channels, but one of them is Discovery Channel, and accounts for the majority of our TV viewing. Keeping cable saves us $10/month on our internet. Why do we NEED high speed internet? I'll get to that in a minute. So total we will be paying more like $70 instead of $128/month. We both have cell phones, with long distance and voicemail, so we are planning on using those for our phone needs. Total savings = $58.

We then decided that I am going to work from home 2 days a week. Currently I am going into work every morning to do the administrative work for our real estate business. We let our assistant go in September, saving us approximately $1500/month. I have been paying $400 for daycare each month. By staying home 2 days we can cut that to $160. Total savings = $240. By working at home I will absolutely need high speed internet. I will also need a fax line which will cost me $11.00 a month. By switching back to Qwest I also get 3 free months. Total savings = $39.

I have also been having Winder Dairy deliver our milk each week. It's local, it's fresh and sooo convenient! I called yesterday to cut service. Turns out Z can't really drink milk so we only need 1 gallon of milk each week for M and R. I'm already drinking soy. So I've cut our milk bill from $11 each week to $2.50 a week. Soy bring that bill to $5.00 week. Total savings= $6 / wk.

I have decided to keep our Netflix subscription for now. It is $8.99/month. But it can always go to.

I've started keeping my price book again. I'm going to do my dangdest to buy things at rock bottom prices, effectively giving ourselves a raise. I've stocked up on canned goods, rice, potatoes, squash, onions and frozen vegetables. I'm trying to cook economical, healthy meals from home. My weakness is lunch. I hate making lunch so I end up eating out a few days a week. I am planning to cut out fast food for the next little while. This should save us around $15/wk, or $60/month.

We've gotten a home equity loan and put our high interest credit cards on it, lowering our interest rate and giving us a tax break.

And as a last resort we are talking about moving. We love our neighborhood and would really like to stay. We have one of the larger homes in the area with the most incredible view. We are looking into downsizing. The question will be what we can sell ours for and finding one that we are happy with. There would be some updating we would need to do to maximize our sale. It all sounds so tiring, however, I wouldn't mind the end result. I'd rather be totally out of debt and have a lower mortgage so we can save more and travel more. It's not worth it to me to pay for square footage that I don't need or use. Most houses in our area have a nice view, not quite as incredible as ours, but it isn't worth the money for me. It is for R though. So this remains to be seen. If we could sell for what we want, we could potentially reduce our mortgage by $400/month. We haven't been saving at all, including retirement. I'd like some extra money to give us some leverage. I'm nervous about the state of the economy and I'd like to put more distance between myself the financial edge.

So that's where we're at. Not fun, but that's life.

The Effect of One's Surroundings

This is my new living room. I wish I had before pictures. Let me just describe it to you. I had painted the living room a butterscotch color with the fireplace accented in pumpkin (must have been fall?). I didn't love it but I was so sick of painting we just lived with it for a couple of years. We had hand me down dark green chenille oversize couches. These had holes and were totally threadbare when I finally convinced to get rid of them. We didn't really have much else except a desk R's mom gave us (which I did reuse). I HATED my living room. I'm all about not keeping up with the Jones' but I got to a point I finally quit inviting people over because I was just embarassed. It just felt yucky and I felt like my whole house was crap.

Fast forward to now. The living room is light and airy and really shows off our view. As much as I've designated this room to be for "quiet, calm activities" only, the whole family gravitates toward it. And now I want to have people over. I actually think I have a great house now.

I think there is a line between making your surroundings comfortable and appealing to you, as well as expressing yourself and just being materialistic. I for one feel much happier when I am in a place that I find attractive. Did I redo the living room just so my friends would think I was a neater, more stylish person and therefore worth more as a friend? No, and my friends aren't those kinds of people anyway. I redid it because I hated it. Me. Hated. It.

So there you have it. My new living room.

Intentional Living

This is the book I am currently reading. It has really made me rethink a lot of ways I go about my daily life. What could be more simple than understanding yourself better and making some positive changes? I highly recommend it.

Here is a picture of my darling family in Costa Rica in August. Our friends S and R got married on this beach. Isn't it breathtaking?

Vacations often get me thinking about how little we truly need to be content. We took 2 games, some crayons, a couple of matchbox cars and a few DVDs and we were fine for 3 weeks. We lived in a 400 sq ft apartment and never felt cramped. Then we come home to a spacious house that is crammed with junk we think we have to have. It is always a stark contrast and gets me thinking.

Since I've started working I am really lucky to have an office right by a local thrift store that accepts donations. I have been trying to bring a bag of unused or un-needed items to donate everyday. Our closets feel more spacious, the kids room's are starting to feel moderately neat, my kitchen doesn't feel so cramped. And we haven't missed a single thing. My plan is to go through everything before X-mas and just get rid of a good portion of it. Then I can organize the rest.

I am still working on getting my health simplified. Exercise is on hold because I finally had foot surgery to correct the plantar fasciitis that just wouldn't heal. I already feel much better but it will take at least a few more weeks before I can start working up to a decent workout again.

Foodwise I am working on making sensible decisions. I am basically following Bob Greene's Best Life plan. I'm in phase one, day 2, actually. I am focusing on eating a healthy breakfast, not skipping meals, avoiding alcohol, and eventually boosting my activity level. Easy-peasy. I'm also personally working on a simple menu plan that is easy to shop for and prepare, but is mostly fresh, local and organic. The CSA has been awesome. My garden was just a few tomato and pepper plants. The tomatoes died but the peppers have been great. I'm really working on not throwing food away and not spending a fortune as well.

I'm going to try to be diligent about keeping my blog updated. Then I might actually share the address with someone!

Car Free with Kids? and a few Updates

I've been thinking a lot about what it will take to to truly heal our planet and our society. I honestly think going to a car-free or at least car-lite society would be the quickest and maybe largest change we could make towards this goal. I just finished a book called How to Live Well Without Owning a Car by Chris Balish. It was an extremely quick, entertaining and thought provoking read.

He spends a good portion of the book proving that you will definitely save money by not owning a car. I believe that. But in our case, not as much as he makes it out to be. Our 1999 Subaru Forester was paid for in cash 5 years ago. Our insurance is $400 a year. The registration fee is around $100. I pay $80 a month for gas and $80 a year in oil changes. During warm weather I generally wash the car myself, but in the Winter I wash it about4 times including a vacuum which totals around $20. So I'm looking at $660 a year I would be saving. Nothing to scoff at, but he consistently claims it will save me around $8000. One way not having a car would save me money is in shopping expenses. Hard to really total that up though.His next biggest point is that it will give you less to worry about. You don't have to worry about registering it, getting gas, parking, maintenance, traffic, etc. And I buy that. I'm just not sure that figuring alternate transportation would be any less stressful for me.

The thing that irritated me however, is something I find common in environmental and simplify you life type books. He glosses over how a family might be able to do this in the very last chapter and gives it all of 4 pages . He starts off with all the reasons a family might find this difficult: sports practices, lessons, doctor appointments and the like. Then he basically just says that people in Oregon have done it and that it will save you money. No list of tips or practical ways to integrate car-free living into your life.

I find that if you have made the choice to have children, and happen to also be interested in simplicity, sustainability, or environmental issues, you are pretty much on your own to figure it out. There don't seem to be any gurus out there for people like me. There are blogs which leads me to believe that there is a decent size population of people who have children who also want to lessen their impact on the earth. I'm grateful that I at least know there are people like me and that I'm not totally on my own. Most of my friends give lip service to the idea but don't plan on making many changes.

When we moved to our current home 2 years ago it was everything I wanted. It is big, around 3400 square feet. It is in an established, high value area. The public schools are the best in the state. It has an incredible view almost 360 degrees. I look over the Salt Lake valley at the Great Salt Lake and the city, I also have a gorgeous view of Mt. Olympus. Across the street from me is mountain and we get all manner of wild life marching past our front door. The neighborhood is diverse and fairly liberal and our neighbors are wonderful. We live on a cul-de-sac. And there is practically nothing within walking distance.

I honestly do love this house, and my neighborhood and our schools. It is also a great investment. But our house payment is definitely a stretch. If I could do it over, I would pick a more walkable neighborhood. I think this is the only way a family could go car-free. Our good friend is "flipping" a house about 2 miles from us. It is smaller and older, but he has redone it completely. It is within easy walking distance from: a park, a library, a youth rec center, the firestation, several gas stations, 2 dentists, a preschool/daycare that also picks up from our elementary school, a vet, several restaurants and cafes, a convenience store, a drug store, a grocery store, several fast food joints, a dry cleaners, a shoe repair, a bank, and 2 strip malls. I could. We could feasibly sell our house and make a lateral move to the other property. The other great thing about it is that it has a large yard that would be perfect for a large garden and city chickens. But alas, R won't even consider it. He loves this house and I can understand why.

So my next best option is to figure out ways to go car-lite. Even though we live on some seriously steep hills, I finally feel that both my kids are capable of walking them. I look forward to the day they can bike them. Talk about fighting childhood obesity. M's school is just under a mile away. R drops him off which is on the way to work, but we should be walking home. The store is within walking distance as well. The big area I could improve upon is combining errands when I take Z to his preschool. It is about 5 miles away. I should plan on heading that way and staying that way until I pick him up. My gym is right there. So is a major shopping area. I could easily park my car by his school and either walk to the gym or walk to do my errands. That would cut my mileage for sure and give me some exercise. I also should figure out some bus routes for places that are just a little too far to walk, like the library. We could easily hop on the bus by M's school and then walk home from the bus stop. The biggest obstacle, and he makes this point in the book, is that with a car in the garage, it is just too easy to depend on it. If you don't have it, you are forced to make the change.

I'm going to set a goal for reducing our mileage each week. I'll be posting updates.

Potty Training

I'm feeling like a complete failure. DS#2, otherwise known as Z, is NOT potty trained. Why? No really, I'm asking, WHY!?! I've tried googling late potty training but there really isn't much out there for a freakin' FOUR YEAR OLD!! Everything assumes I'm working with a moderately verbal 2 year old. Well 2 years ago, I was. Everything else is for mentally disabled adults. Maybe that's the theory I need to working with here. Seriously! Changing poopy 4 year old pants is definitely NOT SIMPLE!! Never mind that I'm to the point of getting quite angry every time there is a big old nasty "accident" (is it an accident if he NEVER poops in the potty? I think when he does make it to the throne, THAT is the accident!). Yes, he has pooped on the potty before. 4 times to be exact. I know because I've got the sticker chart to prove it. And if you're wondering, he isn't all that great with #1 either. And to put my frustration in perspective, he can ride a 2 wheeler without training wheels!

So far our strategy has been to hold back on big boy activities until he decides to act like a big boy. Things like playing on the soccer team, taking ski lessons, etc. Doesn't seem to make an impact.

I guess it is time to get back to some serious basics here. I'm going for immediate gratification. Every willing "try" (4 minutes of sitting time required) gets an M&M, every successful pee-pee gets a handful of them. Every poo-poo gets a Hot Wheel, or small tractor, or something of the like. When he gets to 1o successful poo-poos he gets the big John Deere tractor and plow that has been taking up valuable counter space in the bathroom for freaking EVER!

What about "accidents"? Not sure. I have tried taking away TV for accidents. Unfortunately it is really hard to stick to since the rest of the fam wants to watch their Deal or No Deal. I think I am going to remove the upstairs TV and send everyone else downstairs. Then if he has an accident, I can make sure he stays upstairs with me.

The good Dr. suggest I give him a fair amount of mineral oil just before bed for the next 2 weeks to make sure when he wakes up he HAS to go, and it will be easy. To be fair, the little dude is rather on the constipated side. I am going to start that tonight. I just HAVE to remember to make him sit first thing in the morning.

I'm up against the clock here. He starts summer camp in 10 weeks and under no circumstances can he be pooping his pants on any sort of regular basis. So it is time to get down to brass tacks here (whatever the hell that means).

Is it too Much to Ask?

So yesterday I went to get my birth control pill refill. Simple for me right now is no more kids! Anyway, I tell the person at the "fill prescriptions" window, "I don't really need another dispenser, just the pills" he says "okay" and walks away. Fast forward 30 minutes. I head to the "pick up prescriptions" window and they have the dispenser and pill pack sitting by the register. I say to the pick-up guy, "I don't really need a dispenser, do I have to have one?" He gives me a look and says, "if you don't want it, throw it away" and I say, "but that's the point, I don't want to and I already have several". And then he gives me a oh, you're one of those looks and says, just to irritate me I'm sure, "I can throw it away then" to which I just say"whatever". He throws it in the bag and staples it shut.

Why, oh why is it so difficult to reduce waste?! Shouldn't they just say, "do you need a new dispenser?" really, wouldn't that be more economical? I am just astounded by the amount of trash in my life. It overwhelms me. My recycling bin is crammed full by the end of two weeks. My garbage is never full after a week. I just can't believe how many people don't get it.

Do you want to know what else isn't simple? Getting all gung-ho about getting your masters degree, telling the whole world about it, and then burning out at midterm. I have an Economics midterm tomorrow that I really can't imagine I will pass. I look at the damn graphs and it looks like Greek to me. It just doesn't sink in. Then I remember why I didn't go into Nutrition in the first place. I don't get equations and formulas and graphs.

Sure, if I apply myself to the point of tears and a migraine, sometimes I have the great light bulb above the head moment. But sometimes I don't. Especially if I just don't give a shit. Actually I think this class could be interesting, but I'm taking the online version and I hate it.

So I am going to fail my midterm, make sure I do really well on the easy parts of the class, try harder at the final and hope for a C. I'm going to continue to focus on my Nutrition class and try for an A. Then I'm going to take the summer off and re-evaluate why it is I think I want a masters in Nutrition. Do I really want to be a Registered Dietitian? Do I just want to be able to say I have a Masters Degree. What do I really want to be when I grow up? I can't believe I still don't know.

"Green" and Happy? Is it possible?

Is it better to live with your head in the sand? I wonder sometimes. After I saw an Inconvenient Truth last summer (I went alone, no one else would go. I cried through the whole thing) I have struggled with a bit of depression. The idea of the natural world being a hostile environment for my children and the idea that they very well might not be having children of their own has left me in a state of chronic stress.
I love reading blogs. Some of my favorites focus on the climate crisis. But I always end up with a knot in my stomach afterward. I've also read a ton of books and have several more right now from the library. I'm thinking about taking a moratorium on worrying about the state of the whole friggin' planet. It's making me sick. So I'm taking them back. They will always be there if I decide to read them.
Does that mean I don't care? Not at all! I care deeply!! I just feel like I know enough right now about what I should be doing. I know we have likely reached peak oil. I know we have likely hit the tipping point. I know the aqua firs are drying up. I totally get that cars have really just got to go. I think I've gathered enough info and it is time to focus that energy on doing instead of worrying. I can't fix it but I can do my part.
In many areas of my life I have decided to start doing instead of thinking. I've also decided that I need to focus on the good things in life. They are so many. By constantly thinking doom and gloom I feel like I've lost more than half a year of my life. I want to be happy and green at the same time. Is it possible?

CSA

So I signed up for a CSA. The farm is East Farms. http://www.eastfarms.net/about.htm is the link. It was $185 for a half share of approximately 20 weeks of fresh produce. The pick up is about a mile away from my house. I'm thinking I could easily walk there with my jogging stroller and walk home. I'm not sure which day my pick up is. I'm really excited, though it doesn't start until May or June. If you haven't heard about CSAs here is what their website says:

What is Community Supported Agriculture (CSA)?
CSA is a partnership of mutual commitment between a farm and a community of supporters which provides a direct link between the production and consumption of food. Supporters cover a farm's yearly operating budget by purchasing a share of the season's harvest. CSA members make a commitment to support the farm throughout the season, and assume the costs, risks and bounty of growing food along with the farmer or grower.Members help pay for seeds, fertilizer, water, equipment maintenance, labor, etc. In return, the farm provides, to the best of its ability, a healthy supply of seasonal fresh produce throughout the growing season.Becoming a member creates a responsible relationship between people and the food they eat, the land on which it is grown and those who grow it.This mutually supportive relationship between local farmers, growers and community members helps create an economically stable farm operation in which members are assured the highest quality produce, often at below retail prices. In return, farmers and growers are guaranteed a reliable market for a diverse selection of crops.