Discipline

So R and I have decided that we really do need to be on the same page for discipline at our house. M has gotten quite mouthy and argumentative. Z is more passive-agressive and just ignores me and does whatever he wants anyway. He's also very sneaky and prone to lying a bit. When it comes to discipline, I'm the softy, the slacker. I just want peace. R is the toughy, the yeller. He doesn't want to be embarassed or inconvenienced. One day M told us that he wished we were more like his teacher from last year, Mrs. Jones. He felt like she was strict, but nice. Firm, but fair. Well, there's nothing like your kid telling you to get your act together.

We have picked the book "How to Behave So Your Kids Will Too" by Sal Severe. What an awesome book. Exactly the mix between giving kid's power and responsibility relative to their age and actions, and the parent's having the authority that is needed in a family. We have started some of the recommendations immediately while we work through the book together.

Yesterday was our first day with our new time-out rules. It was so unbelievable difficult to stay committed when your child is in total meltdown. But we did, and the difference it is already making is pretty unbelievable. M only needed one time-out, but it took a long time for him to stop arguing and muttering so that we could actually start the time. Z also had an extremely long time-out because he wouldn't stay put. But we made it through.

The rest of the day M was rather quiet, which always worries me. But he was also amazingly compliant and cooperative. We went for a hike in the afternoon, which he usually will complain about before, during and after. Yesterday he actually enjoyed the hike, and told us so several times. At the end we realized we had locked our keys in the car. R was grumpy and short for a few minutes. M just played quietly while we waited for the locksmith to unlock the car. Before bed we talked and worked out any lingering bad feelings. He also mentioned he thought he handled the locked car more maturely than R. I laughed and had to agree. He felt really proud of himself. He fell right asleep. Today he asked me to please help him work through an argument with Z. Amazing!

Z is still testing to see if we are serious. We had another time-out today that took about 20 minutes total. He just won't stop trying to get "one more chance". But I have also given him several warnings today that he is headed towards a bad decision, and he has quickly corrected his behavior. He's pretty bull-headed, so it may take a little longer with him.

All in all, we have had two really pleasant days. I haven't had to yell or threaten or feel upset that I'm being ignored. The boys are playing together well and doing what they are asked to do with minimal protest. I am really excited about the book and the progress. Now I just have to stay consistent, which is always the hard part for me. But it helps to have R on board and the two of us working toward the same goal.